Returning and Resting

Psalm 116:7  Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the LORD hath dealt bountifully with thee.

As I was searching my computer for a couple of posts I had started about rest I was refreshed to come across This BelovedRoad by Amy Layne Litzelman. In her passage titled, The Most Perfect Place, I found these thoughts on rest.

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning [to Me] and resting [in Me] you shall be saved; in quietness and in [trusting] confidence shall be your strength …

Isaiah 30:15 (amp)

But to truly be in him is to be in a place of total trust and confidence in who he is. If we are sliding around in worry or frustration, we may be somewhere close to him, but we aren’t resting in him.

I’m talking about is being saved every single day from the restlessness and anxiety of the world around us. God wants to lead us to a place of assurance where we know that we can relax and lean back in to him because we know how much he loves us—how much we can trust every plan he has for us, every word of direction he speaks to us.

…a place of being able to lean our entire heart, mind, soul, and being on Jesus—a true place of rest.   …he’s not supposed to be a vacation spot. He is home.

(emphasis mine)

It is in returning and resting. Not returning and striving and weeping and trying. Resting.

I must return before I can rest. How do I return? Returning is coming back, thinking his thoughts over our own. Returning may be re-turning – turning again and again. New habits of rest must be formed. When I begin to worry I must turn again to his rest. His promise to be all I need.

To be very honest these words spoke to me so strongly because somehow I find myself in a place where the daily restlessness and anxiety is running, and ruining, my life.

I have often said that it was easy for me to trust God with the big things. My entire family suffered carbon monoxide poisoning in 2007. With no insurance and no assistance and no steady income we had a bill of $100,000. I never worried about it. God provided for the debt to be reduced by 70% and provides money every month to make our payment.

Yet some days I have what must be a mild, and sometimes more severe, panic attack trying to plan an afternoon of errands or decide what to make for dinner. Simple daily decisions often bring on a meltdown. I have made this worse by hiding it. My children know I’m not okay, they have to live with me. I try to shelter them and keep it together, but I don’t always manage. I do my absolute best to keep everything together around anyone else, my husband included. 

How could I, a published author, posting blogs about living for God, be such a basketcase. How can I who longs to turn the world upside down for the Kingdom be overwhelmed with managing my own home? I don’t know. Perhaps by spending too long near Jesus and not in him. Visiting, vacationing, but not moving in.

I’m changing residence.

I am returning – again, and learning to rest.

What are your experiences with rest? Does it come easy? Are there seasons?